My Bias
Is my bias showing? As I interact with others from whom I am different, I wonder if it’s only my words that betray me.
I was recently coaching a client who is a black woman. As we were trying to get to know each other by sharing symbols that define identity, we wandered into movies and tv shows from the past. I shared that the themes in Star Wars and Star Trek were deeply imbedded in my psyche and a very real part of my value system. I looked for understanding in her expression and realized incredulously that my movies might resonate more widely with white people. She’d never seen them. I tried quickly to think of a movie or tv show that might resonate better with her so we could find common ground. Instead, I asked her to share the films or tv shows that most impacted her childhood. Her answer was ‘A Different World’, which is an offshoot of the Cosby show. I had to look it up. I remember seeing the tv spots for it but had never watched an episode.
How clearly different our lived experiences are as represented in just this simple discussion. Emotions that I don’t understand flooded my mind as I desperately wanted to share something with her, to build a bond with this creative, inspiring good woman whom I sincerely care about.
I feel lost in my understanding and experience with building true human friendships with others who share very little of my own lived experience. Facinated and terrified at the same time, I’m drawn to those interactions. Something inside of me is missing. Do the words I’m writing even convey a small part of what I’m feeling in this domain? That’s the problem…..I could navigate those interactions better if I just spoke the same cultural language. For example, all I know about the black experience and language is what I’m exposed to in music and movies and when on social media…..I’m lost to understand even the simplest expressions.
What if there was a universal neutral language we could use to come together in shared spaces and connect on intimate levels. Okay, maybe intimate isn’t the right word…..a safe space where vulnerability and honesty are communicated openly and all who participate there speak the language of that space. What would it be called….that space?
